Sometimes you don't know what you believe in until you have to fight for it. Yesterday, I fought to write. It wasn't a battle I expected to wage. Writing does take time away from my family. Lately, I've been terrible about giving each of them their Just 10 minutes a day. Life has drained me. I struggle to keep my balance. I sacrifice what I really believe about education to earn a paycheck. I sacrifice a lot of time and what I'd rather do for my family every day. It has to be done. Yet, I still need time for me. Yesterday, I had to fight for it.
Whether or not people read what I write isn't as important as having the chance to write. The words flow out of me as if they have a life of their own, a life I can only dream of. My life is not my own. I'm up at 5 a.m. stealing moments before the demands of my day begin.
I invest a lot of time in my family. I could invest more. I could increase the quality of that time. Increasing this quality is what I most want to do. It's the purpose of Just 10. My energies could be improved in that regard. I also want to increase the quality of the time I spend with myself. Writing could be an complete waste of my time. I may never do anything with it other than spit blather onto a blog but it is what is important to me. When I write, I feel like I have something to say. I write because the words have no place to go.
My immediate family doesn't read what I write. My daughter says she doesn't understand it. My husband says, "I'm not as smart as you."
Hearing that I feel very alone. Yesterday, while they watched football and America's Funniest Videos, I watched the speeches of MLK and Robert Kennedy. They felt robbed of my attention. I just felt robbed.
Sometimes, a person has to take a stand, has to fight for what they believe in, even when no one seems to believe in you, when believing in yourself is all that you have left.
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