I walk a tightrope over the valley of tears. Some times, I look down and feel panic. Other times I look up and see a beautiful blue sky and I remember why I am on this journey. After spending a wonderful, stimulating weekend, I found that I was searching for a way to process all I had learned, a way to understand what my true purpose is.
I waited for inspiration. No bill board lit up my mind with a simple summary sentence of wisdom. No words played across the inner screen telling me what my life was all about. I was disappointed. What happened to all that inspiration, my desire to discern my direction, my attempts to be open to what the universe/God had to teach me?
Disappointed, I turned to a familiar distraction and logged on to my computer to check my random e-mails. There buried in all the recipes and daily updates was a simple posting in a blog (Kind Over Matter). It was a clip of Steve Jobs giving a commencement speech at Stanford.
Had he not recently died, I may not have been as impressed as I was with his words. I had to write some of them down as if the writing of them would some how make them more real, more easily grasped.
"Remembering I'll be dead soon is the most important tool, I ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life because almost everything, all external expectation, all pride, all fear of embarrassment and failure, all these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." Steve Jobs
Suddenly, all the pieces fell into place. I could see clearly the lesson that the weekend held for me. In a single moment, I saw the point of my life. I didn't have to work hard to figure it out. I simply had to get out of my own way long enough to acknowledge what I have always known.
As for what I discovered about my purpose. . . well, some things are best kept to one's self. Tomorrow, I may have a new purpose. Just for today, I am at peace. Peace is a beautiful thing.
It will pass but the memory will remain. We all live life one moment at a time. We string the moments together and look back at what we've created. We often fail to realize that we've lost so many moments by not living in them. This is something I know well. I needed Steve Jobs, a house full of women, a son having a meltdown, conversations with new friends and a hug from my daughter, to help me realize how precious each moment is. I am already naked. There is no reason not to follow my heart.