Chorophobia

Wordy Wednesday

Chorophobia:  the fear of dancing.

I think I have this.  Dancing without dulling my senses with alcohol is extremely difficult.  In my mind, I see myself lurching across the dance floor like a rusty Tin Man.  I die a thousand deaths of embarrassment. Now, that any form of alcohol makes me instantly nauseous,  I do not dance.

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I know my fear is irrational.  I feel as if all the eyes of the world watch me and find my dancing an insult to rhythm.  I never want to insult rhythm.  I feel the beat.  Life has a pulse.  It surges, it throbs, it sleeps.  Everything affects this pulse.  Everything.  The idea makes my heart race.  I have trouble finding the line that separates me from the rest of the universe.  In odd moments, we are one and the same.

This fear of dancing must be conquered.  My life lacks form without it.  I need rhythm. . . something fluid, something memorable, something lyrical to guide my steps as they plod through the days.  Without feeling the music within me and moving to the magic of its charms, my life is dry and empty.  I need to know where I end and everything else begins.

Dancing would define my edges.

It's time to form a support group:  For those who fear dancing.  It has a nice ring to it.  A nice ring is important in music and in the dance.  Surely, I can't be the only one who carries this fear.  Maybe, as well grow together and become braver being who we are, we can start with a simple circle dance like the Hora.

Who can resist this?  It is a special form of madness guided by the frenzy of the music. A sacred infectious  madness.  No one dances alone.

Maybe, this fear of dancing taps into the fear of being alone.  Cast adrift by life, I float in the middle of a vast ocean.  There are eyes everywhere.  Watching.  Waiting.  They do not like what they see.  I feel it in my bones.  It robs my body of rhythm.  My bones slowly begin to dissolve and I melt into a puddle on the dance floor.  Life can feel that intimidating.

But is life without the dance worth living?  Life is much more than just showing up.  It's about jumping into the dance.  It's about whirling like a dervish.  It's about stepping on your partners toes and apologizing while you keep on dancing.  It's about riding the rhythm and being the music.  Any thing less cheats life.  I have been cheating myself.  I have been cheating the dance.  My dance.  My life.

Chorophobia:  the fear of dancing.

Today, I'm going to dance.   I hope to make the angels in heaven laugh.  I'll be laughing at my fear.  Dance with me.  Please, dance with me.