If Wishes Were Horses

When I was still at home, my mother went through a phase that I called the platitude phase. Yes, I was a sassy thing despite outside appearances. When I would start on a rant about what I wished for, my mother would often respond as if she were a cross between Jiminy Cricket and the Buddha, with these words: "Carol, if wishes were horses than beggars would ride."

I pretended that it really annoyed me. After all what's a young adolescent to do? I'd pretend to number my mother's favorite responses and fire back, "That's number 157. You used that last week. How about something new?" I told you I was sassy. I'm not proud of it now and I wasn't then. I actually like the poetic sound of the words, "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride." It might be the the iambic pentameter rhythms these words possess. It might be their slightly archaic syntax as they spill off the tongue. Or it just might be the wisdom they carry. Magestic, riderless horses, the personification of a wish.

These words, these riderless horses, wild stallions roaming freely on the plains of desire, delight me even more now. I think of them at the oddest moments. They bring an odd comfort, a comfort I don't yet fully comprehend. The implication is and always has been, that I am the beggar. Yet, being the beggar does not offend or make me a lesser person. It is a simple statement of fact. I am the beggar no matter what I wish.

Yesterday, trapped inside the cool house by the intense heat, we watched a marathon of survival shows. They captured our interest for hours. Left alone (if you ignore the fact that a camera crew surely exists)in the wilderness, these "survivors" make do with the little they have. One of the survival stars wore a t-shirt that said simply, "the more you know the less you need." This made me think of the horses that are wishes. Maybe the more you know, the less you wish for is also true. Maybe, you begin to embrace the beggar and enjoy watching the wild wish horses as they run free in a high and distant meadow.

As a child, I'm sure my rabid wishing sometimes drove my mother to distraction. I wanted so much. I wanted to enjoy and taste it all. I didn't want to be confined by lack of money, or talent, or even by a sense of purpose. I, as a child, stood on the threshold of the world's candy store. I wanted in.

Now, that I've eaten my fill of candy. I do not want more. Instead, I want to step away from the candy store, find a nice spot under a shady tree and enjoy the horses from a distance. "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride." I love the sound of that.