Death of a Drama Queen

Today, I harbor a murderous intent.  Time to plot the demise of the Drama Queen.  She lives inside me.  She loves to make mountains out of mole hills.  She craves attention like a heroin addict craves smack.  She'll kill me if I don't kill her first.

You can blame a zen priest for driving me to murder.  His name is Marc Lesser.  He wears many hats beside that of zen priest.  It is the zen priest hat that leads to my undoing.  In a simple book called, Less, Mr. Lesser mentions a famous dialogue between two leading teachers in sixth century China.

"One teacher asked another:  'What is the Way?'  This is another way of asking--How can I live a happy, meaningful life?  Or, How can I find real freedom?  The other teacher responded, much to the first teacher's surprise, 'Ordinary mind is the Way."\

I find this to be a wonderful, encouraging answer, as well as a terrific way to cut  through our ideas and assumptions.   This is not the answer that was expected or assumed, then or now. Ordinary mind is the way.  Just trusting, or returning to,our ordinary mind is the way to find happiness and meaning!  To find satisfaction, composure, and results -- we don't need anything extra, fancy or special.  We don't need to do or add more; we need to do less!  We just need to let go of some of our assumptions, particularly our thinking that freedom and happiness lie someplace else, or during some other time, or with some other mind.  Instead let us be guided by our inclusive, playful, mysterious, and plain ordinary minds."

The Drama Queen hates Marc Lesser.  She hates all zen priests with a passion known only to drama queens.  He makes the ordinary sacred.  To the Drama Queen such thinking is blasphemy.  The Drama Queen races on stage full of emotion about what's lacking in life.  The key to happiness just lies beyond her grasp.  She is exiled in a life of sad longing, bitterness and failed attempts.  Her failure and sorrow become a heavy, blood-red, velvet robe that she must wear during every performance.  She hides a dagger in the stage curtains.    Will she use it on herself or on another?

The last few weeks, as I've struggled to adapt to the change in jobs, as I've tried to let go of my sadness at being "force to do something against my will" the Drama Queen as been too close.  She's robbing me of the satisfaction that is present in the most ordinary of days.  The Drama Queen is a wily opponent.  She wears many disguises.   She often fools me with her reasons that sound so logical.  She takes up the banner of causes easily.  They hide a less-than-noble motive.  The Drama Queen must die.  I must carefully plot her murder.  It must be the perfect crime, harming no one.  The ordinary awaits my acknowledgment.  It beckons me to enjoy it.