Motivational Speaker

I feel like Matt Foley today.  Chris Farley's portrayal of the down-on-his luck man who became a motivational speaker makes me laugh no matter how many times I've seen it.  Matt Foley ends up motivating people but probably not in the way he intended.  Most folks don't want to end up "livin' in a van down by the river."  Matt Foley is the quintessential antihero.  He is the loser that lives in all of us.  While I laugh, I also see parts of myself, parts that I'm not eager to see.   I need a heavy dose of laughter before going "spelunking" in my psyche.

Sometimes that loser feeling is a tough one to shake.  It's been following me like an old nasty dog that keeps nipping at my heels.  Maybe the dog has rabies.  Before enduring painful treatment, I've come up with my own little strategy to keep the dog at bay and avoid possibly contracting the dreaded rabies.   During my workday, trapped in high school freshman flashbacks, I'm going to pretend that I'm on a secret mission.  I'm collecting information and experiences to prepare me for what lies ahead.  Maybe I don't need to pretend.

Shaking the stereotypical ideas of what constitutes success in life is difficult for me.  I can talk big but I still often judge a book by it's cover,  my book, my cover.  The last few weeks,  I feel under utilized.  I  embarrassed that I seem to be a classic underachiever.   It's been really frustrating to know that the teachers often make some big mistakes in the classroom and that I don't have the status or the credentials to effectively communicate my concerns.  Ah, this sounds like a very familiar place for me.  No wonder I'm frustrated.  The person who is the biggest source of my frustration is me. 

Maybe being Matt Foley isn't the worst thing that could happened to me.  Maybe I should stop fighting the feeling and just let myself enjoy it for a while.  Saving the world can wait for another day.  So can writing a great novel.  I'm just going to enjoy being me, classic underachiever, antihero, seemingly a loser.  It's sounds like the best place to begin.  I'm not going to fight it.  Tomorrow, I'm going to take every opportunity to just enjoy it for a while.  After all, isn't that the best way to come out a winner?