To Build a Fire

Some days, it's hard to rub two words together long enough to start a fire.  I long for the warmth of a great idea. Today, I'd settle for just a good one.  Words often ignite easily.  This is not one of those days.

Even though, the flame of a good idea doesn't move me now, it seems very important not to abandon the craft.  I sit shaking the words off reluctant fingers.  Slowly they seep through the keyboard and onto the screen.  Being driven by words on fire is a great and wonderful thing but maybe writing in the cold is the better endeavor. 

I've often read that when a person finds their passion, time flies. They work almost effortlessly in a zone of almost magical productivity and absorption.  I believe in the existence of this zone.  At times, it has been the zone, I inhabit.   Yet, most of my life has been lived outside it.   Bludgeoning my peace of mind with the absence of the zone or passionate intensity in my life, I have often kept misery company.

This afternoon, I sat with  misery for a while.  Bemoaning the things that my life seems lacking.  I'm not able to spend my day doing what I love most, at least not at this time.  Misery was lousy company.    I couldn't sit with her long.  Instead, I looked around,  at the restless bodies and knew that most, if not all of them, would choose to be doing something else, somewhere else, if they could.    Thinking, outside myself, I understood that a good life requires that each of us spend time doing things we would rather not. Misery is not mandatory.  It is optional.

Over, the years, I've wasted a lot of valuable time complaining.  . Time crawls   I am stuck in the mud of unhappiness.  Now that I have children, it's painful obvious how complaining gets in the way of getting things done.  Complaining, self-induced misery, often takes more time and energy than the dreaded task.  I point this out to my children frequently.  They hold a mirror in which I see myself.  I don't always like what I see but I have learned much from my young complainers. 

So, tonight I write, when I would rather not.  Misery does not hold me hostage.  Instead writing when the fire doesn't burn is good practice, good discipline, and a good idea.  I can choose to dread it or I can give myself to the task.  Now, it is done.  The fire will burn another day.  Today, I kept moving to keep from freezing.  I have to keep moving in order to start the fire another day.