I open one of my rejected pages. I wanted to write about a line from a silly Steve Martin song. When I tried to find a clip of Steve doing this routine on Youtube.com there wasn't one. Instead, I did find this cute little red-headed boy stumbling through it.
Lately, I've had the word, "obsequious" pop into my head off and on throughout the day. It's in a line of this song, "be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant."
I couldn't remember what obsequious meant so I had to look it up. I kept seeing a purple octopus/jellyfish creature with a stupid smile and assumed that I watched too much SpongeBob.
Dictionary.com says:
kwi
–adjective
1.characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference; fawning: an obsequious bow.
2.servilely compliant or deferential: obsequious servants.
3.obedient; dutiful.
How can I ever make sense out of two very different songs? What am I thinking? "Be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant" are soon followed by. . "I'm as mad as hell. Not ready to play nice, not ready to back down." Obsequious is a fun word to say. Knowing what it means may even make me appear smart but being obsequious and knowing it feels pretty horrible. Yet, sometimes it's necessary to survive. I am angry, at myself, the world, other people, fate.
My intellect doesn't believe in fate. I'm afraid that my heart sometimes does. The English class I'm in every day has been studying two famous star-cross lovers, Romeo and Juliet. We know from the start that they are doomed. Today, we watched the death scene from the 1968 movie version.
I started this play really hating Romeo. Juliet's naivete was easier to forgive. They are hopelessly impractical, young, dramatic, foolish. I judged Romeo to be fickle and maybe even bipolar. I hated the halting and poor reading the students gave the bard's lines. The assignments seemed monotonous. The 1968 movie version the class watched is often very dated in technique, the musical scoring etc. Still, I will always love the theme song. I found myself hating this play, this version and still loving it in spite of myself, in spite of everything.
"Be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant."
To be clairvoyant would be nice especially as a potential source of income. Purple is a pretty color but not a good skin color. Come to think of it, a purple-skinned clairvoyant could generate some serious cash. But, obsequious, that isn't something I'd like to become. I wish I could confidently announce that I wouldn't be obsequious for any price. I'm just not sure that that is true.
If I had to be "obsequious, purple and clairvoyant" and be rich the rest of my life. I'd do it. For the right amount I'd be fawning, servile, dutiful. I wouldn't like it but is it really so different from what I already do every day? It's easy to put a high price on dignity and self-respect but when push comes to shove and some degree of survival is at stake selling out is the lesser of two evils.
Half of my brain wants to digress and start ranting about the perils of poverty. I'd like to rally the common people so that we could experience the strength that comes in numbers and solidarity. If all us poor and close-to-poor (All those who are a paycheck away from homelessness.) were to pull our money out of the huge corporate banks, or boycott the less than ethical companies or. . . Whatever grass roots movement I dream up would be anarchy. Besides, I can spot this as a digression. Just as I write this a new song begins on Pandora.
I get lost in the words. My train of thought derails. How can I get back on track? This song captures my feelings, the ones I've been avoiding. I've played nice all my life. Well, at least most of my life. A lot of the time, that's come at a price. Inside, I've often felt that I've sold myself out for something of questionable value. How often I've smiled on the outside, while feeling that sick sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach?
I've played nice but I also realize that there have been many times when I took a stand, spoke out, showed my true feelings or beliefs and suffered the consequences. They've only added fuel to my tendency not to trust other people, to avoid really sharing myself with others, to be obsequious and try to stay on the "right side" of the powers that be.
How can I ever make sense out of two very different songs? What am I thinking? "Be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant" are soon followed by. . "I'm as mad as hell. Not ready to play nice, not ready to back down." Obsequious is a fun word to say. Knowing what it means may even make me appear smart but being obsequious and knowing it feels pretty horrible. Yet, sometimes it's necessary to survive. I am angry, at myself, the world, other people, fate.
My intellect doesn't believe in fate. I'm afraid that my heart sometimes does. The English class I'm in every day has been studying two famous star-cross lovers, Romeo and Juliet. We know from the start that they are doomed. Today, we watched the death scene from the 1968 movie version.
I started this play really hating Romeo. Juliet's naivete was easier to forgive. They are hopelessly impractical, young, dramatic, foolish. I judged Romeo to be fickle and maybe even bipolar. I hated the halting and poor reading the students gave the bard's lines. The assignments seemed monotonous. The 1968 movie version the class watched is often very dated in technique, the musical scoring etc. Still, I will always love the theme song. I found myself hating this play, this version and still loving it in spite of myself, in spite of everything.
When the two silly children, impetuously take their own lives for the sake of love, a love that seems incomprehensible in its sudden onset and its passionate expression, practical me thinks, "What a stupid choice."
Yet, all the while, my heart understands what the play is trying to tell me. I worry that I might not get through this scene without shedding tears in front of a class of wriggling teens, the same age as "fair Juliet." These same aged teens see Romeo and Juliet's choice a rash and foolish one, yet many of them remain interested and transfixed by the story, by the teacher's explanations and her love of Shakespeare. How can this be happening?
"Be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant" Romeo and Juliet. The Dixie Chicks have got your back and so do I. Life isn't lived in neat straight lines. At least not for most of us. It's messy, contradictory, full of changing moods, thoughts and beliefs. We can and often do, hold two or more opposing things in our heads and almost always within our hearts. We over act, over react as often as we fail to rise to the occasion or be true to ourselves, our causes, our beliefs. Most of us have a few enemies, hopefully outweighed by our supporters, but not always.
Some times when it looks like we don't have anything, we really have some thing. . . some thing we don't always see, feel or understand but some thing all the same. In a whirlpool of Steve Martin, Romeo and Juliet and the Dixie Chicks, a picture emerges. Each of them came into my day bearing gifts. Not all these gifts are wrapped nicely or appreciated by me. Often gifts such as these are wrapped in a flaming brown paper bag that no one wants to find on their door step. Finding it makes me angry. I curse fate. I blame myself. It takes me time to see that in having nothing, I still have some thing. I have only to learn to see these flaming gifts with a new set of eyes and with an open heart.
Thank you day for bringing me "obsequious, purple and clairvoyant" for Dixie Chicks and Romeo and Juliet. You reminded me that I do have something found in between all of you. You reminded me that life is not experienced with the head but with the heart. You reminded me that I am a work in progress and some days are just harder than others. You reminded me not to get too hung up on figuring things out, finding the answer, judging others. You showed me a world found in nothing and that nothing can never really be.
"Be obsequious, purple and clairvoyant" Romeo and Juliet. The Dixie Chicks have got your back and so do I. Life isn't lived in neat straight lines. At least not for most of us. It's messy, contradictory, full of changing moods, thoughts and beliefs. We can and often do, hold two or more opposing things in our heads and almost always within our hearts. We over act, over react as often as we fail to rise to the occasion or be true to ourselves, our causes, our beliefs. Most of us have a few enemies, hopefully outweighed by our supporters, but not always.
Some times when it looks like we don't have anything, we really have some thing. . . some thing we don't always see, feel or understand but some thing all the same. In a whirlpool of Steve Martin, Romeo and Juliet and the Dixie Chicks, a picture emerges. Each of them came into my day bearing gifts. Not all these gifts are wrapped nicely or appreciated by me. Often gifts such as these are wrapped in a flaming brown paper bag that no one wants to find on their door step. Finding it makes me angry. I curse fate. I blame myself. It takes me time to see that in having nothing, I still have some thing. I have only to learn to see these flaming gifts with a new set of eyes and with an open heart.
Thank you day for bringing me "obsequious, purple and clairvoyant" for Dixie Chicks and Romeo and Juliet. You reminded me that I do have something found in between all of you. You reminded me that life is not experienced with the head but with the heart. You reminded me that I am a work in progress and some days are just harder than others. You reminded me not to get too hung up on figuring things out, finding the answer, judging others. You showed me a world found in nothing and that nothing can never really be.
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