A week ago today, my daughter turned 13. I am very proud of the young lady she is becoming. Her sunny disposition and outlook is a constant blessing. She is so low maintenance that she doesn't always receive her fair share of attention. While she is aware of this fact, she doesn't seem to hold it against us.
Where I am cynical and sarcastic, she is almost always kind and forgiving. She has a wonderful ability to accept people as they are. She's become my moral compass, encouraging me to be better than I was before. She is a delightful human being.
Not long ago, it occurred to me that she possesses many of the character traits of my maternal grandmother. Gram tended to be a happy person. She didn't waste time bemoaning fate or the darker side of life. She rarely spoke ill of another. People were naturally drawn to her. She was a calm, happy presence.
Sometimes, I expect too much from her, projecting my own "femaleness" on to her. I try to fix what's wrong with me by expecting her to be better than I am. This seems a rather common dynamic between mothers and daughters. Sons are less complicated. They seem to require more maternal involvement. At least mine does.
I will be ever grateful to my first born for opening my life to the love between mother and child. She has been a gift that keeps on giving. As I sit here now, trying to find words that can give adequate tribute, I can't find them. I realize that I can do a better job feeling gratitude for both my children. Life gets busy, I feel tired and hurried. I don't always honor my children as the gifts they truly are. Sometimes, I fail to take the opportunities to actively guide and nurture them. Sometimes, I'm locked inside my own head, distant and unavailable. This I want to change. I'm a good-enough mom but there is room for improvement.
Time to get back to a more regular practice of Just10. We need to spend quality time with each other especially now. The connections we have with each other will be what sustains us. It really doesn't matter how much money we have or don't have. What matters is how we experience each other. The more positive, loving experiences we have together the stronger we'll be.
My simple plan is to make sure I spend 10 minutes with each family member and following the guidelines I created when I first hatched this idea. I'm going to also add a simple practice that the cynic in me has long resisted. Every day, I will begin it by thanking God for my children and husband. In the evening during our dinner meal, we'll each share at least one thing we're grateful for that day. I'm beginning to understand that what you focus on becomes your reality. It's time to turn a kinder gaze on life, on my life. My daughter has been lighting the way. It's time to learn something from her.
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