This was me in the summer of 1984. I was 26. Ah, sweet youth. Sometimes, I really miss you.
There are a lot of negative things about aging. Your skin distorts and you start looking more like a lizard or reptile than a human. Chicken neck begins to rear its ugly head. You develop wrinkles in places you never expected. You look into a mirror and the person that looks back at you is so much older than you believe yourself to be.
You can no longer pull an all-nighter without some serious consequences that are about as close to brain damage as you want to get. You learn how to fall asleep sitting up while watching TV. More foods disagree with you. You find reasons not to stoop down or pick things up off the floor. Birthdays can actually be depressing. You wonder, how can you still think your young on the inside when the outside packaging is screaming middle-aged or senior citizen.
When AARP started mailing me junk mail, I was offended. I'm not ready for this stage of life. I'm too young for this. I don't know who that person in the mirror is but they are way older than me.
"Slow down, time! You've got the devil on your back."
The days start to flash by with a wild ferocity. This can't be happening. I'll wake up and I'll be 26 again. The world will be new and fresh. Life will lay before me, a pretty ribbon of opportunity. I'll have so many options. I'll dance until dawn. I'll reach for the moon and when I fall short, I'll simply try again. There will be enough time to do it all, be all, see all.
But this is not a dream. In the morning, the face in the mirror reminds you how quickly things pass. The mirror's image looks as you with sad, knowing eyes,
"Seize the day" it says.
"Time passes so quickly. Time has its limits and so do you. Accept. Enjoy. Don't waste a moment."
It's easy to get lost in the details of the day. Seizing the day, is often forgotten. It is harder for the older mind to hold onto anything for too long. It's easier to forget, to lose track. This proves to be a mixed blessing. Sweating the details, worrying over the unimportant is much harder when the mind keeps losing track. There are just too many other more important things taking up the space between the neurons. Forgetting does have an upside.
There are other benefits that are more valuable. We trade our youth for a greater perspective. Things that we once thought so important are no longer a concern. Simple things take on greater significance. It takes less to make me happy. I am so much more tolerant than I ever was when young. I can sit and enjoy the antics of youth, full of gratitude for the gift of a larger perspective all the while enjoying the enthusiasm and intensity of the young.
As a child and young adult, I was so shy and afraid of what others might think. Age has given me a great gift. I often completely lose my self-consciousness. I am more at peace with who I am, flaws and all than I ever was when young. "When I am old, I shall wear purple". . . and it won't bother me that others might stare. I won't care.
When I was young, I had my youth. There were more options because I had more time to waste. Now, time is at a premium and it gets more precious each day. Now, I scan the news paper obituaries like my parents did before me. Death seems to come so early for so many. How far is it away from me?
Despite the wrinkles and the scary old woman that stares back at me from the mirror, the best gift age has given me is a greater satisfaction with self than I would have dreamed possible when young. I know that the details of my present life make this seem very ironic but it's still true. As much as I sometimes long for the energy of youth, as much as I sometimes long to have the ribbon of opportunity unfurl before me in a seemingly endless line, the gifts of middle-age have been worth the sacrifice of youth. Life beckons, I'm burning daylight.
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