Thinking Thursday

"Thursday's child has far to go. . ."

Thinking Thursday is a day for reflection.  As I left for my Just 10 walk  (Last summer, I spent a lot of quality time with myself by walking on a nearby trail.  I'm trying to resume my Just 10 walks this summer.)  I wanted to think about how my words may have hurt another.  Recently, I've been painfully aware that by sharing my opinions and feelings freely there may be occasions when those words may hurt others.  This, I regret.  The words written here only reflect my feelings and opinions, nothing more, nothing less. 

It is important for me to bring an authenticity to my writing.  This is achieved by being honest about how I feel.  Feelings aren't reality.  My criticism and cynicism says more about myself that any one I may paint in a less than flattering light.  Being critical is a defense mechanism.  It allows me to create an external enemy.    In the end, I know my worst enemy is myself.

This morning  I took that enemy for a walk.  I did not what to shake it's hand and "make nice."  I wanted to be angry to be indignant.  I wanted to find enemies outside of myself and to justify my dislike of them.  The walk and the morning wouldn't let me.

I began to remember what I used to do when faced with someone I had problems with or some one who I felt had done me wrong.  I'd imagine that person, calm and smiling and I'd send them love or if love was too great a stretch, I'd wish them happiness.  I know it's all rather too "new age" and I don't know if I believe in the ability to transmit positive energy to another person and have them receive it but it helped me see my "enemy" in a new light.  They were just fallible, flawed human beings like myself, doing the best they could under the circumstances.

Deep within a positive thought bubble, a bicyclist shot past me.  A middle-aged woman on a retro-look bike was dressed impeccably.  Her pants matched her socks and her shoes.  Her burgundy fleece vest was a perfect fit.  A smart, small leather handbag was jauntily slung across her shoulders.  Her hair was short and smartly cut.  On the end of her bicycle seat, she had hung a small personalized bike plate which read, "Girls Rule."

I smiled out loud. 
"Yes, Girls Rule."  I thought to myself.  Here I walk with stains on both checks of the men's shorts I am wearing.  My socks are struggling to find their way out of the tops of my tennis shoes.  I'm sure that on my chest I'm sporting a greasy stain or two. 
"I'm such a lady."  I think and laugh to myself.  I'm delighted in the spectrum that can be defined by the word, "girl."

A little farther on the trail and I meet an old friend.  My enthusiastic, exercising acquaintance is gliding toward me astride a sleek bike.  He sees and recognizes me, smiles broadly and stretches his arms out wide, like the risen Messiah.  With a loud yet melodious voice, he shouts, "Long time no see!" 
His smile cracks open my heart and I toss back my head with a laugh and say, "Yes, Yes, it is!"
Just as quickly, he is past.  Maybe we'll meet again, tomorrow.

Suddenly, I'm aware that I've reached my walking goal.  I have made it to the intersection, the turning point from last summer's walks.  Across the intersection, people mill around a make shift yard sale.  Across the traffic, heads bob and weave under a canopy, inspecting furniture, keeping track of small children, bartering for a bargain.  I hesitate, tempted by the activity but turn and begin my walk home. Again, my thoughts return to  the people I may have portrayed unfairly.  I think of myself and how I am sometimes unfairly portrayed.  I think of the perfectly dressed lady and with the "Girls Rule" license plate. I think of the bargain shoppers under a canopy.  I think of my eager exercising friend, a welcoming Messiah.  His embrace took in the world.  He had much to teach me this thinking Thursday morning.