The Wrath of the Little Red Hens

After spending the better part of three days, sitting at a joint garage sale with friends, Laura, Marnie, Carolle and Jessica,  I was left with much to ponder.  We, five ladies, actually had a good time visiting despite our fatigue and I came away liking each of them even more than I did before.  We also got a good glimpse into humanity and some of there less than noble manifestations.  I awoke this morning still thinking about all that happened and decided to use it as the fodder for my Just 10.

The three days were eventful.  I witnessed a hit and run between garage sale customers and a hot pursuit.  Jessica had one of her handmade necklaces stolen and we had to loudly insist that one customer leave the premises.  There were several lovely customers, but sadly, there were also many who had less than good manners.

One of my constant inner struggles is that of  finding qualities in my fellow humans that warrant redemption.  When people behave badly, I'm left wanting to isolate myself from this "ship of fools."    I often find the world a rather frightening place.    We finished the sale with a rather unpleasant incident.

A man,who returned at the end of the garage sale, was told he could have a picture that in which he expressed interest in having.  Soon, he was engaged in a frenzied "grab" of all that remained.  I told him that not everything was free and he ignored me and continued to collect.  I told him,  "You need to leave now.  We are closed."  Again he pretended not to understand English.  Since, I've spent a considerable amount of time around native and non-native English speakers, I know when someone doesn't speak English and when some one does.

(For the record,  Whites, as a group, are equally capable of acting badly.)

He, then stepped out of the garage and began rifling through more of the "not-for-sale" items.  By this time, colleague, Jessica was aware of the problem and quickly came to tell him that those items are spoken for.  He ignored her as well and started throwing around glass objects.  By this time, Jessica and I were just plain mad.

We both started yelling at him.  Our noise soon got every one's attention.  My husband, who was unaware of what was going on, came up behind us and glared at our slow-to-respond man who finally decided to leave.  His parting words were in fluent English.

My first reaction was anger.  Fear came a bit later.  This man was not alone.  His family/friends were waiting at the edge of the driveway.  Until my husband joined us, we were just a collection of women.  We weren't much of a threat to a large, young and muscular man with backup.  My husband said, he'd seen the group earlier and had thought they might have made arrangements with one of us to come back.  They had not.  It wasn't until Jess and I got engaged in a loud banishment that every one's attention was focused on the threat to "the hen house."

I was angry.  I felt that this young man was using his physical size to simply take what he wanted from a group of mostly middle-aged women.  (Jess, you're young and gorgeous, enjoy it.)  When someone uses their size to intimidate, I see red.    All those years of being single and watching out for myself, I learned that showing fear gives the potential perpetrator the upper hand.   I was very lucky.  The few close calls I had, I made eye contact and the threat made me angry.  I stood my ground and made a lot of noise.  I walked away unharmed physically.  Fear and it's aftermath came later.  It made me more wary, which is a good thing.  It also made me more jaded and that is not as good.

While, it's nice to know that my survival instincts are still strong, it still makes me sad that they are necessary.  The dreamer in me wants to live in a civil, polite world.  I want to greet strangers with a smile.  I want to see the best in others.  I don't want to worry about potential threats to my safety or the safety of my family and friends.

I worry that I'm not teaching my children to be careful, to be assertive, to fight back, so that they can loudly say "no" when the need arises.  I don't want fear to cripple them but I also don't want them to be easily swayed by others.  The job of teaching them street smarts and manners is not an easy one, especially when you are working with literal-minded children.  So often bad appears as good.  When is it ok to stop being polite? How do they develop the ability to sense when and where danger maybe lurking?  How do I help them anticipate possible problems so they can avoid them and still give them the confidence to function well in this less than perfect world?

This is when parenting weighs heavily upon my shoulders.  I have to shelf some of my disappointment in humanity so that I can give my children the gift of hope and of perseverance.  I have to utilize some of my anger and channel it into showing them how to take care of themselves.  Most of all, I have to use Just 10 time and as much time as possible to instill in them a strong sense of self-worth and value.  It is this self-worth and value that will make them strong defenders.  Maybe, if our young garage sale thug had a sense of his own worth and value, he would have had more respect for others.