Saturday, 6:08 a.m. The October sun has yet to make an appearances. A head cold has gotten me out of bed refusing to let me sleep. My son soon joins me in the awakened state. "Sonsoon", like monsoon, is a storm. Storms can be very good things. They break the monotony. They bring much needed rain. They stir things up. They have lots of energy. He is my sonsoon. He rarely sleeps if I am awake. He has always had a special radar. I've never lost him in a store. Now that he is older and spends time looking at things he's interested in while I shop elsewhere. He can always find me and I, him.
As much as I cherish our special connection, I am often concerned that he is not more independent. My daughter has always been more comfortable in the world. No hesitancy or tears her first day of school. She marched in the classroom, found her name on her seat, sat down and waited for the teacher to tell her what to do next. As we left, she waved a happy goodbye. Outside the classroom door, I choked back tears. I wasn't ready to let go but it was time. She navigates the social world with ease. I don't think I've ever heard her say anything negative about another person. I used to worry that this meant she would be easily mislead by others. So far, that doesn't seem to be true. She takes in the unpleasant or less than honorable and simply steers around it. She admits to me that there are things that worry her or make her feel sad but that for the most part, she chooses not to think about those things too much. I envy her attitude and often wonder how this sunny child can be my daughter. I am eternally grateful that she is.
In this way, my "sonsoon" is her exact opposite. Even the sunniest of days can be filled with an awareness of the negative, the unpleasant, the tragic. My daughter has her own protective shield. My son has none. His feelings are often crushed. He mourns not fitting in. The world often feels frightening and overwhelms him with its noise and chaos. He tells me he just wants to spend the day with me. I know that this isn't completely true. He does value the company of his peers even when that company is less than pleasant. I'd love to be able to hand pick the children he was exposed to in a day. When I send him off to school, he must deal with the bullies and the ex-friends who dumped him when they began to get self-conscious about playing with a "special" kid.
Sonsoon tells me, "Some of the kids think I'm more special than I am. They think that because I am in the special group that I'm not as smart as they are. They try to talk me out of things (like lunch, Pokemon cards, Lego figures) because they think I'm stupid." In the second grade one "friend" used to talk him out of his favorite things in his lunch box. He would give them to this child and then quietly cry. When I found out, I made the teacher aware and for the rest of that year, he had a "helper" at lunch who protected him because he could not. He's in the fifth grade now. He is not as gullible or naive. He's learned to protect what is his. He has also learned to beg others for what they have. This I do not like. It's difficult to teach your child manners and boundaries when so many of his peers lack them. He is learning to survive and in the process picks up habits and behaviors that are less than desirable.
Now, while at work, I have the opportunity to observe children who are a bit older than my "sonsoon", who behave in ways that are often offensive, inappropriate and disruptive. A freshman girl who was supposed to work on an assignment was sitting on the floor holding court with two young men in attendance. The topic of her pontification was her sex life. When I heard enough to know what they were discussing. I quietly walked over to them and said, "You need to be aware that I can hear you. It is not wise to discuss such a topic within earshot of an adult while at school." Fortunately, this young lady had enough sense to blush and put the topic on the shelf until it could be resumed on her own time. In another class, a good half of the students are disruptive. They talk out of turn, talk while teacher and other students are talking, talk about sex, get up and sharpen pencils just to make noise, then shuffle back to their seats with stupid grins, like they've really accomplished something. Last week, I'm almost certain I heard two of them make derogatory comments about Jews. When they noticed I was listening they stopped so I couldn't be 100 percent certain of what I'd heard but I am afraid I heard enough.
Granted these students are still children. I find the fact that so many children don't know how to behave appropriately alarming. This is the social world my children will navigate, are navigating. In many classes the teachers are so busy trying to gain some control that the quiet students, those who aren't constantly acting out for attention, are completely ignored. Despite sometimes criticizing my own social mileu as a child, the fact is I was shielded and protected by growing up in a small town and going to parochial school. I was able to get a good education. Classrooms were not noisy, play pens. I learned how to study, how to do homework, how to listen. Today, in every classroom, I sit in on, there are numerous students who will never do homework and a good handful who will not pass the class. Many teachers don't even assign homework because they know it won't get done. Witnessing this has been discouraging. At times, it's overwhelming. how do I best prepare my children to navigate this chaotic social world?
Whether I like it or not some of the most important education is done in the home. I've got to step up to the task before me and assume the role of primary educator to my children. My Sonsoon appears and wants to spend some time with me. My daughter calls from the living room and asks me to watch a movie with her. These are simple but important things. I say, "Yes, I'll be there in a minute." I close today's entry. It's time to value my children with at least Just 10 minutes. Valuing them is the best way for them to learn to value themselves. I am preparing them to go forth into the world. It's a world desperate for guidance, hope, and most of all love.
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