Tears for What Matters

Everyday I learn something new.  After years of being perplexed by algebra, I'm discovering it's not nearly as complicated and mysterious as I once thought.  It's fun to be able to solve problems containing a variable that is unknown.  This new interest in algebra takes me completely by surprise.  I was also surprised by tears today.  Tears took me by surprise in a way I'd never expected.  More surprising, still was that I took the shedding of them in stride as if they were as natural a part of this particular day as breathing.  This isn't the me, who began this day.  I'm someone different than the me that woke up this morning.

As I worked with one of the students at school, I found myself shedding tears of empathy.   The biggest surprise to me was how spontaneously those tears fell.  Those who know me, know that shedding tears in front of others is something I rarely do.  In the past, those rare occasions left me feeling embarrassed and vulnerable.  They made me feel weak.  Today, those tears made me feel strong.  They told me how much I cared.   Those tears left behind an awareness.  My job performance, my student's performance was not as important as my concern for his/her best interests.   My anxiety about doing a good job,about doing the right thing, about being acknowledged for doing the right thing can sometimes get in the way of identifying what is most important.  Today, my heart told me what was most important as loudly and clearly as it could.

My face was visited by only a few tears.  I was able to smile through them.  I was able to tell him/her exactly why they were there, how much I felt for him/her, how much they mattered to me.  Tears left quickly, without lingering.  As I moved through the rest of my day, I did so with a greater awareness of what really mattered.  This I carry with me now. The importance of human connections, of making time for others and valuing who they are more than what they can do was the message for the day. 

In lives filled with activities and responsibilities, it is easy to forget what is most important.  What we do is never more important than who we are.  I learned something new about the world today.  Something that tears taught me. Those tears blessed me with awareness.  I wonder what tomorrow will bring.