Someone showed me something unpleasant today. In listening to this person, I saw the trap that criticism and ridicule create for our better selves. I could clearly see that people who criticize others or judge others harshly, are feeling small and vulnerable. People who are secure and happy with themselves don’t have the need to make others look small. As I listened to criticism and judgment, I saw, all too clearly, that I am often critical or judgmental. I did not like what I saw in this mirror. I didn’t want to think about this during Just 10 time but I knew that I had to do so. I had to make peace with what I saw. More importantly, I wanted to learn from it.
This need to feel superior to other poor saps, fools, victims or people of no or little morals is an invisible cancer of the soul. I have this soul cancer. Soul cancer afflicts most of us. Take for example, reality shows. I’ve long been fascinated with the popularity of “reality” shows. I show great disdain for most of them and watch very few. The ones I do watch on occasion have the least merit. I watch the “stupidest of the stupid” because these folks make me feel like a genius.
The “reality” of these lives is carefully orchestrated fiction. The participants become characters manipulated by the camera, their own desire for fame or recognition and the minds of the viewers. I’ve long realized that watching these shows makes me feel whole and normal. That feeling is at least part illusion. I can congratulate myself on my good taste, judgment, fortune and sense. Compared to most of the people on reality television my life seems infinitely better. Therein lies their appeal They make me feel superior.
I am not. Granted, many of us show better judgment but showing better judgment doesn’t make me superior. Is any human being really superior to another? Is there not a intrinsic value within all humans that serves as the great equalizer? If not in “reality” at least in theory? What kind of world could we create if we started treating people as if that were the reality, that we are all equal, really equal. What if we treated each other with the same respect we reserve for the most favored? What if we approached any task, any problem with the mindset that we are all part of a team, each person equal in importance, each serving a vital role?
After peering into a human mirror today and seeing that I was part of the problem, that my own critical and dichotomous nature creates a problem where none need exist, I began to consider what could be done to work toward solutions. A discussion at lunch made the answer seem obvious. As I ate lunch in the company of two other women we shared a common desire. We wanted respect. We wanted to be considered important members of a team. This team consists of parents, teachers, administrators and staff all concentrating on one goal, that of educating children. We expressed frustration over how adversarial and political education often becomes. We spoke of the great team players we’d each worked with (or in my case, work with now) who treated us as if our contributions were valued and appreciated and not a form of paid servitude.
As I listened to my fellow staffers express frustration, I suddenly knew that while I may not be able to change another’s mind, I could choose to begin acting as if what I believed were the reality. If I wanted to be considered a valuable member of a team focused on the education and welfare of my child and any child under my care, I needed to act as if this is exactly how things are. I am a valuable member of a team.
I can continue to voice my objection, frustration, anger and grief but it will serve little purpose. In fact, it will serve to work against the very ideal I choose to believe. Teams that are inflicted with criticism, poor communication and lack of respect will not be improved if I add my own criticism and frustration to the mix. Just as happened earlier, I saw clearly how I often contribute to the problem while all the while I’m cursing it. If I fill myself with criticism and negative energy there will be little room for anything else. It will make my day dark and depressing. I will find frustration everywhere. I have wasted years doing this. Today, it was wonderfully and painfully apparent that I need to try something else. Ultimately, when all is said and done and I give myself to sleep at the end of the day, I can only be diminished, if I believe myself to be.
As I looked into my human mirrors today, I saw myself clearly. If I want respect, I must treat others with respect. If I don’t want to be judged, than I must not judge others. If I want to be considered part of a team, then I need to consider others as part of the same team and drop any attitudes or behaviors that doesn’t serve that purpose.
This will not be an easy task. Since I have often lived the alternative, I’m ready to give myself completely to something new, something simple and yet so radical it could change the world. Maybe it already has. One by one we need to awaken and see it reflected back to us by another human mirror.
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