Life has been hectic lately. Having a day off during the week was such a nice bonus. Waking up at 4:54 a.m. was not. I staggered to the bathroom shuffling like Frankenstein with arms extented feeling for the wall. All I needed were the bolts in my neck. My first morning thoughts were not pleasant ones. Dangerous daggers of depression swirled in my mind and threatened to ruin my morning. Then something unexpected happened. I realized that I was ruining my own day by focusing on the dark side. My morning Frankenstein self smiled at this thought.
All I did was to stagger in to my day with a relaxed self. Normally, I carry a lot of tension in my body. My jaw is often set or clenched waiting for the next blow. I have a knot between my shoulders, My stomach rumbles with anxiety. First thing in the morning, I'm a wet noodle. This state of wet "noodledom" explains why my morning is often blessed with inspiration. My body is relaxed and receptive.
In this morning's inspiration festival, I also realized that if I could relax more during the day, I'd be able to tap into this peaceful relaxed state more. There would be less living in high speed, less frustration, less exhaustion and a whole lot more enjoyment. I've already found this to be true. There are times when I have my wits about me and remember to let go and relax. These times are not as common as I'd like. It's time to take it up a notch and open the door and to let it in more often.
Surprisingly, my early morning inspiration festival was also visited by another thought. Recently, our womens' book group had tried reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Individually, each of us seemed to be having a hard time reading it. We'd put it off to the last minute. We approached the book without eagerness to read more. As we began to discuss what we'd read, we all seemed to be frustrated by how good Gretchen's life was to begin with. She was much more organized than any of us. Her husband and family all seemed loving and very supportive. Gretchen was a successful writer. Her life seemed untouched by some of the struggles we, three women, were experiencing in our own. Becoming happier with her good life was and is a great goal. Don't get me wrong. It's a good book. It would be wonderful if more people would make that an objective.
The trouble was this just wasn't the guide book for us. We needed a guide book written by someone with difficult problems in relationships, with no career, with financial woes, someone who struggled to survive the days with some semblance of sanity left by bedtime. We needed a book written for women broken by life but finding the hope to continue especially when the odds were stacked against them. We needed a book written by women touched by bankruptcy, crazy dysfunctional families, divorce, depression, chronic illness, and a whole laundry list of problems, problems that make being happy a challenge. We needed a book written by someone just like us who finds a way to capture the illusive "blue bird of happiness" and who also has the strength to let that bird go and fly free when it needs to do so.
This morning's wet-noodle-Frankenstein me realized that this might just be the book idea I've been looking for. All that's left for me to do is to begin. So, now, I take a few deep breaths and tell myself, "Nothing is going to happen today that I can't handle." but that is so status quo. I think a moment and tell myself, "Happiness lies ahead in this day, find it, enjoy it. Today is all I have. I'm going to make it a good one." I think I have a book to write.
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