Vision's High Noon

Recently, I was given a homework assignment by an art coach.  I was to write to my higher self and ask her help with "Vision".  I've tried to complete this assignment but all I have to show for it is a pile of crumpled paper. 

Most of the time, I have to work at harnessing a flood of words.  Not today.

"Vision" was the word that jumped out from a list of nine.  Don't ask me why.  Apparently my higher self is supposed to know but she's not talking.    I think she's afraid.  I know I am.  I'm afraid of almost everything.  It's one of my secrets.  I guess the "cat's out of the bag" now.

Fear and I are very old companions.  Fear often gets in my way.  Over the years, I've learned to ignore this fear, at least some of the time.  Fear has me making excuses, aiming low, apologizing for imposing.  Fear kills "Vision" faster than any thing I know.

The higher self whispers, "Vision is afraid of being slain by Fear.  It has to hide, especially from you."

Great!  More inscrutable, mysterious talk.

As much as I'd like to forget this whole topic, the truth is Vision is afraid.  I'm afraid of Vision, of Fear but most of all, I'm afraid of envisioning something, working toward it, wanting it only to have it taken from me.

How rational is that?

I'm confusing "Vision" with a destination.  Vision is really the guide for the journey.  I'm using fear and uncertainty as an excuse.  I'm grieving imagined losses before anything is lost.

So, like Gary Cooper in High Noon. . . (a movie I love by the way!) http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2041381145/

I face Vision alone on a dusty street in an old western town.  The sun burns overhead.  Fear walks beside me with its hand on my pistol.  The music builds.  It reaches a crescendo and I draw my gun.  Instead of bullets, my gun shoots Vision into the unknown, into the darkness and the light.  No enemy awaits me.  The greatest enemy has always been the one that lies within, the one that tries to deny Vision or to stifle it.

Vision longs for expression.  It longs for peace, for stage coach rides, for Sunday picnics, and for late night stargazing.  Vision is what breathes life into a tired body and mind.  It infuses the air I breathe, if only I'll let it.  Vision isn't a burden.  It isn't something grand that must be lived up to or else.  Vision is a guide, a raison d'etre.  It tells me I've been missing out.

So, I walk this dusty street again at high noon.  Instead of Vision, I take aim at Fear.  It's time to put Fear in the grave.  Once deep in the ground, I'll dance over the soft mound of earth covering the resting place of Fear.  Arm and arm, Vision and I will walk into the sunset.