Always do what you are afraid to do. --- Emerson
I spent all day trying to run from myself. It was Thinking Thursday and I was afraid of my own thoughts. Wordy Wednesday evening found me verbally assaulting a loved one. Words are not always good tools. Obviously something was bothering me and I was doing my best to dump the problem on someone else.
As I spent the day avoiding the soul searching I was sure I needed, the truth came to me anyway. I saw that I had projected my own fears and I knew why. I was afraid of change. I was afraid of action. I was afraid of trying something new. I wanted to follow my dreams. I was now in uncharted territory and I was terrified.
How I got to this place, this age in life, without really following them is a bit of a wonder to me. I've done a really good job ignoring them for years. When I was younger, I tried to adopt the dreams of the significant others in my life. I didn't feel good enough to have dreams of my own much less go after them.
Now, at mid-life, time ticks like a bomb. Over half my life is over. I can not afford to waste any moment that is left and this reality weighs heavily. Sometimes, it's so heavy I feel panic. As I grapple with this fear, with this panic, with unfulfilled dreams and desires, a few simple words of Emerson fall into my day. "Always do what you're afraid to do."
"Yes, Mr. Emerson!" I reply as I contemplate the leap. Terror grips me. I've never felt more alive.
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