Without missing a step, I turned to two of the scamps and said, "Guys, that isn't the safe way to cross. Cars may not see you. You should cross at the crosswalk."
They both stared at me with mouths wide open. Several seconds later, one of the pack calls after me,
"YOU! should cross at the crosswalk."
His response was expected. I haven't worked with school-age children the last four years with my eyes closed. Smart retorts are typical. Keeping face before ones peer group is of great importance. For many students, school is less a place of learning and more of a place to socialize. Adults are often treated with suspicion and disrespect.
Don't let that suspicion and disrespect fool you. When you talk to today's children one-on-one, you'll be surprised to discover how much they want and need adults in their lives to take time to listen to them. Some are desperate for boundaries and for someone to care enough about them to say, "no."
Do not expect them to thank you for it. They may yell some snide remark after you, to win the admiration of their equally needy peers. Since, I've heard much worse than "YOU! should cross at the crosswalk." I have no regrets. I cared enough to tell them they should be safe and that what they were doing wasn't.
Before we had children, we had a guest in our home who was the mother of two. She let both her children run loose in our home. They got into everything. When the daughter was in the bathroom for a long time, my husband asked the mother if she was ok. Mom said, "Yes, she's fine. She just likes to look in people's medicine cabinets." Of course, the craziness of that remark has burned itself into both our memories. That and what happened after.
I went into the kitchen and looked out the back door to see the boy who was probably about 8 or 9-years old with my husbands axe. They had both gotten into the garage, threw things around, found the axe and the boy was now in our back yard swinging the axe at a stump that was between his feet.
At that time, I wasn't used to correcting other people's children but this, this was way beyond safe not to mention proper guest behavior. I was out that back door and grabbing that axe like greased lightening. I marched the two hooligans back into our garage and had them clean up the mess they made. As I supervised their clean-up efforts, I told them what acceptable behavior was and that they had really crossed the line. Meanwhile, mom sat in the house. When I returned, (I'm sure electric charges were crackling around my head) mom said,
"I leave all the discipline to their father."
I was speechless. If I had to do it again, I'd probably say, "How's that working for ya?"
Then, I'm sure I would have told her what I believe responsible parenting to be. Needless to say, I made sure we never opened our door to that woman and her children again. I shudder to think what they might be like now. Hopefully, they made it to adulthood without chopping off a foot or overdosing on the contents of some strangers medicine cabinet.
It isn't always difficult to figure out what it means to be a responsible parent. Sometimes parents fall short. Sometimes kids do stupid things all on their own. I didn't have to say a thing to those three daredevils this morning. I did without giving it any thought because they needed someone to notice that what they were doing wasn't safe and to tell them so. It's possible their parents would have felt my words intrusive or they might have thanked me. It doesn't really matter.
So often we get stuck playing a blame game. It's the parents fault. It's the teachers fault. It's societies fault. Blaming someone else takes the responsibility off our own shoulders. It does nothing to solve the problem. Children are the future. We all need to care enough about that to be willing to shoulder some of the responsibility.
YOU! should use the crosswalk. Sometimes, I just have to share what I know. If you should ever see one of my children dashing in and out of traffic, please, tell them to use the crosswalk. It is the safest way. I'll be so glad you told them so.
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