The Biggest Challenge

Getting a Just 10 daily with my husband is the hardest of all.  We spend a lot of time together but active listening makes us both feel a little uncomfortable.  Nevertheless, it's obviously, one if not, the most important Just 10 of the day. 

Neither my husband and I are young.  We've experienced the pain of bad communication.  We are a bit hesitant to reveal too much.   We have built up layers of emotional protection attempting to prevent further hurt.  We have been vulnerable and our self-esteem has paid the price.  We have a lot to unlearn and overcome which is exactly why Just 10 with each other is so important.   It was at the top of my action plan for the day.

As we started our walk, we discussed plans for our son's birthday.  I was tossing out options and he wasn't giving me any sense of what he might prefer.  I took a chance and blurted out,  "I know that you sometimes let me decide and that you sometimes have a preference which you don't share with me.  I don't like dictating what we are going to do if you have strong feelings about something, I would like you to share that with me."

Husband responds with a simple, "ok." 

I told my husband that since it's the hardest to give him his Just 10 everyday this would be his Just 10 Walk and Talk.  Right away, I can see he is uncomfortable and I am too.  So, I admit it.  He next asks, "Where did you read this idea?"  I said, "I came up with it."  He presses, "you didn't read it somewhere?"  I admit, "I don't think so but I read so much, it's not impossible."  Seeing that we might need to get back on track, I add, "It doesn't really matter.  What matters is that it's a good idea."

(Just for the record the Just 10 project is my idea.   Reading over the years has just made coming up with the concept so much easier.)

I return to the basics of the Just 10 project.  I tell him,  "You have my undivided attention.  I can't criticize, or instruct or suggest.  What ever I say has to be supportive, accepting and constructive.  My listening is more important than my talking."    


(I have briefed him on the elements of the project before.  I suspect his questions are just filling in the time and helping him avoid talking.    It is important that I don't become defensive or aggressive.  He needs to feel comfortable and that may take a host of Just 10s.)

We walk with many silent moments.  We comment on the birds, on how pleasant it was to walk in a warm rain. . . and as we near the house, he turns to me and says, "Let's take Andrew to the Lego store.  That's what I'd like to do."

Our Just 10 Walk and Talk was time well spent.