Just Quality Time

Spending time with the men in my life is often very different from spending time with my daughter.  I recently discovered that "the boys and I" can spend Just 10 doing something provided I put on my Just 10 thinking.

While I still advocate keeping Just 10  free of activities other than active listening, I discovered that I can use my Just 10 thinking when I'm participating in an activity with another family member.   I've already written about the Walk and Talk which combines active listening with exercise.  A winning combo, I must say but there's more.  The Just 10 mentality has started spilling over into other parts of my life and I'm loving it.

My son and husband have taught me that Just 10 time together doesn't always equal a lot of conversation.  After all the male mind isn't as full of the verbal "stuff" we females thrive on.  Sometimes "too many words" are just that "too many words".   Since Just 10 is about  listening and providing unconditional positive regard for the special people in our lives, it's important to be sensitive to the times when word overload has set in and just being together is enough.  The men in my life sometimes really appreciate not having to talk or listen.  They like to just be.

My son, Andrew, introduced me to Burning Rubber 3.  This is a speeding, crashing, shoot-em up game.  I can't drive and shoot so he mans the guns and I drive like a crazy person.  We enjoy playing this together and laughing at how far I am off the track, how much damage I can sustain to our car and how much smoke will pour out of the vehicle.  When I get hopelessly turned around or off track. Andrew hits the letter "r" and I'm back in the race.  We work together.  No yelling or correcting, no judging or criticizing (believe me, he could criticize my driving.)  When we mess up (usually when I mess up) we just start again.  We talk very little but we laugh a lot.  When we finish our time together,  Andrew turns to me and says, "I really liked having fun with you."  I feel the same way.

Unconditional mutual positive regard makes this time together so much fun.  Unconditional positive regard is at the heart of the Just 10 project because it is so basic in really displaying love for the other person.  This love starts first with a mindset that directs positive behaviors.  What started out as a conscious choice is slowly becoming more and more natural and easier to do without much effort or thought. 

I have my challenging moments when I'm less good parent than I aspire to be.  I guarantee you that I'll never be a perfect parent and someday not too far from now, I will yell like a banshee about some trivial thing.  Just 10 has made me a better parent than I was a year ago, or a month ago, or yesterday.  I'm convinced I'll be a better parent tomorrow as long as I keep my eyes on the prize and let Just 10 transform my relationships with the people I love.