Blowing It

Since I've been candid about some of the successes of the Just 10 project, I need to also admit that some days I really blow it.

Yesterday, I had every intention of spending Just 10 with each of my children.  The day was rapidly slipping away.  I was more tired than usual.  The the proverbial "stuff" hit the fan.  I reacted instead of responded.

My husband and I have given our kids a regular schedule.  We eat together at about the same time every day.  They have a set bedtime and a time to brush teeth, etc.  They have a rotating chore assignments.  Despite all this predictability, they still need to be prompted and goaded and sometimes threatened before we gain compliance.  Yes, I know that some of this comes with being a kid and yes, I too often was guilty of mutiny when I was a child.   Combine their lack of compliance, with my fatigue and the formula for mommy melt down has been achieved.

I' m not proud of it.  In fact, I hate it when I loose my temper.  I know that a lot of my anger was fueled by fear. I worry that my children won't be self-sufficient, that they won't have learned perseverance and responsibility.   Everyday I work with teenagers.  I've learned a lot about what to do and what not to do with my own children.  Last night I felt like a miserable failure. All my chore charts, pep talks, Just 10 times, seemed for naught.  Did I overreact?  Yes, absolutely.  Sometimes I just blow it.

Part of me would love to engage in a self-pity party and nurse this feeling of failure.  I fight the urge.  I simply have got to brush myself off and get back up again.  Later today, when my two treasures come home from school, I will apologize to them.  I'll confess my fears and I will tell them what I think it important.  During my private Just 10, I'm going to think up strategies, ways to encourage their participation.  I want to make compliance attractive, at least some of the time.  I have to show them the rewards of following through and build in consequences when they let things slide.  Most importantly, I have to summon the energy to follow-through myself.  I'll bet that my own failure to follow through was at the heart of my melt down. 

Wielding a verbal club, beating them into submission seems a little too barbaric for my taste.  Although at times, it's so attractive because it is so familiar and so gosh darn easy to do.    My job is to help them be self-driven.  It isn't an easy one but I can make it a lot more rewarding by stripping it of all the emotional baggage and really applying all my creative energies to it.  After all, the fuss, the reality is, my children are good kids.  They aren't perfect and neither am I.  Together we are learning how to be better people.  We're not on opposite teams.  They've had their dose of negative attention.  They need the positive experience of a Just 10.    Once again, Just 10 is on top of my to-do list.   I begin again.