This project's goal is to give each family member and myself just 10 minutes of unconditional positive regard every day. All attention is focused on the other person for those 10 minutes and only positive comments or thoughts are allowed. Just 10 minutes often becomes much more. Try it and see. You'll find the Just 10 guidelines on the right side of this blog.







Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Transforming Relationships

Initially, the idea of devoting ten minutes of unconditional positive regard to each family member every day felt awkward   In no time at all, it has become the best time of my entire day.  It's changing the way I see my children, my husband and myself.

For example: our son has Aspergers.   Knowing how to redirect, motivate, channel his energies and cope with his meltdowns is not always easy.    His name is said often in utter frustration and as the one-word code for "Stop whatever you're doing, it's driving us crazy."

Spending Just 10 with him forces me to shift my thinking in a subtle yet dramatic way.   Instead of trying to stay one-step ahead of him or be ready to  implement damage control after an incident or poor choice,  I'm able to meet him in the still, quiet place of the now.  We both relax into easy conversation and it isn't a struggle for me to avoid lecturing or teaching.  I find that listening, asking questions and respecting who he is feels right and we rarely confine our time to a mere 10 minutes.

We both enjoy our Just 10 so much that he makes a point of asking for it every day.  In our Just 10, I'm beginning to discover who my son is.    I find that I not only love him but I also really like this person.  The same is true of each family member as we spend Just 10 together. When I give them unconditional acceptance I begin to really see and understand who they are.  I am so blessed to have them in my life.

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